To be human is to be a cauldron of emotions.  We are not robots; we cannot be programmed not to deviate.  Emotions are what makes us, us.  What a wealth of emotions we exhibit even in just 24 hours.  Our head is full to the brim of thoughts and feelings.  But which do we listen to the most?  Guaranteed certainty that it will be the negative ones that scream through the plethora of gratitude and happiness.  

Our virtual reality mind, monkey mind, our duck… all these phrases have been attributed to the nagging disquiet that is anchored in a human mind. It is the devil, not the angel that chatters constantly in one’s head.  The chuntering that will insist that you are not good enough, that you cannot be excited, that you do not deserve to be happy.  Finding ways to quieten that mind is the key to success.  Our word is not a positive one; we love to moan, to be miserable about anything and everything – we are Brits! In the modern world of consumerism and materialism, we begrudge others who have more. But is more really happiness? Studies have shown that there is indeed a spike in happiness when you ‘treat’ yourself to something new. It is also true that happiness levels return to their norm fairly quickly afterwards.  There is no quick-fix to contentment.  But you can work on that inner voice and learn to ignore it.

What happens when you make that choice?  

YOU STOP SETTING YOURSELF UP TO FAIL

Self-sabotage costs us hugely. It holds us back from being our authentic selves and realising our potential. If you are not willing to settle for this then there are things you can do to improve life.

Be in the present and acknowledge what you hear. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN! Try meditation, learn breathing techniques, recognise your triggers and don’t make excuses. In the age of the internet, there are so many tools available for self-help, but if that feels like a mountain to climb, seek help from those who can guide you.

“When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top.”

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY

Bouncebackability – the capacity to recover quickly from a setback. Credited to Iain Dowie.

A word that has now entered the common language. How impressive to be able to invent a new word! It actually encapsulates how I see the many people I surround myself with on a daily basis. I made a choice, my choice was to seek the company of likeminded people. With the collective consciousness anything is possible.

The internet can be a detrimental tool in so many ways. It is an addiction on par with drugs, alcohol and sugar. It has taken over lives and is difficult to curtail. I am guilty of checking in on my phone when I have a spare moment, whereas once upon a time, I would look around and appreciate the sights, sounds and smells of the world around me.  Then again the internet can also be a force for good – a force for change.  If you look in the right places it provides support and a boost for those who are suffering. It can be a nurturing hand, a hug at that crucial time, a friend.

In today’s society, there are so many people in turmoil. Life has hit them hard and they are unsure what to do to regain a sense of equilibrium.  There are times when those closest to us are not the answer.  What is? Well, google has domineered the search engine market for years. We need to find our own google. Hunt out where we need support and how best to be ‘open’ to receiving it. Our internal google will often lead us to a place of sanctuary online.  There are forums for everything.  Voices of wisdom, clarity and understanding there on tap for you. Feeling alone does not need to occur in 2016.  

In order to find your bouncebackability, you need to find the nucleus of what it is that has slapped you down. It isn’t necessarily the event  or the act itself done to you, it will be the impact on you and your vulnerability. Once you take ownership of this, you can face it. You can bounceback!  

Life is rarely a smooth ship. If is was, what would we learn? How could we nourish and enrich ourselves and become a better version if nothing knocked us sideways? Just take a moment to think about what is really going on, then seek support.  Humans are not conditioned to be lone survivors. We are a clan. Find your clan. Find your bouncebackabiity.

“You cannot live a positive life with a negative mind”

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY

This week the word ‘control’ has been in my consciousness.  When we think of our own life events, control is something many of us end up relinquishing.  We allow others to exert their power and influence over our choices, limiting who we are and how we act.  Control in the wider sense must stem from how we perceive our ability to have control over ourselves – self-control. To have the inner strength to be in your own power and believe that your choices are yours alone is owning your own power.  Part of having that inner strength is to be able to work on yourself. The concept of ‘self-love’ is no longer seen as the jurisdiction of the few or the realms of the American therapy society.  

I began my journey towards knowing who I really was about twelve years ago. It was a grim beginning with plenty to shy away from.  It was easier to ‘save’ others, help them work through their issues on their pathway to development, than it was to look into my own demons.  That took courage and a realisation that there was no quick fix. It was scary. People were signposted in my life for varying reasons; a pitstop on my roadtrip.  Each brought something to enrich my life, for which i remain eternally grateful.   

‘I am a control freak’ and I do it really well!  That choice was made due to events from my past. I built my own safe sanctuary where only I could decide about me.  I had shut up shop emotionally, although it took me years to realise that in reality. I was fine; everything was fine.  

My own onion layers slowly peeled away after I went to see a homeopath.  I found a safe space to talk, to be questioned, to listen and work out what had impacted on my health and psychological well-being.  There was no plaster to stick over the vast cavern that had appeared in my attitude towards being the real me. Who was the real Karen?

Fast forward to 2016 and I am at peace and proud of who I am, how I behave and interact with others.  I relish in my natural inclination to empathise and guide others, all from authenticity and place of love.  I will never be complacent, each day teaches me more about myself. My wisdom grows along with the ability to see the bigger picture; my why.

I read and hear people’s stories everyday.  People who are ‘stuck’ and not able to see beyond their barriers. The thing is – you can still have control, but need to identify your true self first. Control is all about finding an equilibrium and about being able to turn the control switch on and off when required.

There is nothing embarrassing or wrong about being stuck. It is human nature; our thoughts are our control panel.  Sometimes you need to do the classic re-program – turn it off and on again!

If you can’t do it alone – look for your signposts and find that person who will focus you.

 

“If you don’t learn to control your thoughts, you will never learn how to control your behaviour.”Joyce Meyer

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY

My favourite dwarf has always been Sleepy. Jealous of his ability to snooze at will regardless of location can sometimes sound wonderful. I love my sleep. It shapes who I am each day and more importantly, how I function.  I am aware that my natural sleep rhythm has altered over the years.  Everytime I visit the kitchen I am reminded of the way I used to be way back when. Pinned to the freezer is a magnetic picture. It simply says, “I don’t do mornings!”  This was given to be by a parent at school, who later became a friend. I had the pleasure of teaching both her wonderful boys and she, like many others witnessed my disdain for the start of the morning!

I never awake refreshed and envy those who bounce like Tigger out of bed and attack the day. Instead I have to snooze my way to getting up and ease my way into the day then BOOM! a switch flicks.  The quality of my sleep impacts my mood and my thought processes.  

Habits form which are difficult to break. After spending three months of my life sleeping on an air bed with a baby monitor constantly buzzing and alert near my head whilst caring for my terminally ill dad back in 2014, I find now that I need to fall asleep to a podcast, even when very tired, I will put one on and often have to listen again as I have crashed quickly.  If I wake early, the radio will go on until I have finished napping and emerge like the ‘Creature from the Black Lagoon’ to start the day.   I avoid silence at night.  Interesting.  I love silence, spend far too much time in my head, yet at night I crave noise.  I adore the ticking of clocks…. Maybe noise is my ‘comfort food’ to sleeping?  

At this time of year, we are faced with our greatest test, waking up and getting up in darkness; an unnatural rhythm of our evolution.  Sometimes I wish I was back in the cave, experiencing the pull of the moon and sun on my every hour. Then I think of the killing and cooking!  The older I get, the more I wish to return to natural things. In order to make my sleep a positive, daily healing escape and replenish, I needed to go with what I felt, not what was expected. Your norm may not be your friend’s norm.  If it works for you – embrace it.

If you are one of the statistics that have sleep issues, then work on the why, then find your way through it.  Are pills the answer?  Do they mask rather than deal with the maintaining cause? If your thoughts are churning in your head all night maybe it is time to tackle this.  Being British means either a ‘stiff upper lip’ or popping the medication. In general, as a nation, we are guilty of not talking.  There is nothing weak about seeking out a professional to listen, appraise and assist. The investment may save your system from untold chemical compounds.  Think of what you could achieve with that extra boost of brain energy!

“Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.” Thomas Dekker

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY

It is the fear of the unknown that can be a brutal, antagonising prod in the mind.  I have found over recent years that due to my holistic view on life, I can cope with most things presented. I try and see what I can learn from all that occurs and live by the ethic that I will give whatever I can for others, as long as it is not to the detriment of my own health and well-being. Dealing with events personally and for others is straightforward. It is dealing with not knowing that is my hoodoo. I am guilty of living in my head. When you spend a lot of time alone, chewing over thoughts over and over again, having conversations with yourself is the norm. If I need a reality check, I call those who I trust and rely upon to listen and pronounce a verdict, whether it is good to hear or not. Grounding!  

When someone you care about is given a cancer diagnosis, it is ingrained in society that the end is nigh. We all know people, of varying ages, who have succumbed to their personal battle with cancer. There seems no rhyme or reason for who has been afflicted. Having lost my father to leukaemia in 2014, I found myself overwhelmed with thoughts, mostly negative. No one talked. No one offered explanation. No one could tell me ‘why’? Dad’s illness strain was a rare, random event. He was not unfit, he was active, there seemed to be no precursor to blood cancer. It just happened.  

For me, knowledge is power. So, I took it upon myself to learn. I learnt what was going on in his body. I questioned treatment, I fought and battled mistakes that were made. I made damned sure that dad had and did everything he wanted to do whilst he was able to do it. Each day was taken in the moment. There were not any weeks that were the same.  My way of coping was to live it. Living it for three months meant that when the end came, I was able to accept and be grateful for what had been and the time we had spent together 24/7.  Once dad was released and his ashes scattered, there was a void in my head. A vast emptiness where once a treadmill of ‘things to do’ whirred; there was nothing. I didn’t like that nothingness, although I needed it in order to recover mentally.  

My point? It is that I understand how I work. I know what I do and why. I can achieve so much and am superb in a crisis! I can empathise with ease without being patronising. I can support emotionally, practically and mentally. My WHY is to inspire resilience, happiness and change in people’s lives. I am a healer, I heal people through teaching, training and just by being.  It is my ikigai (thanks Tim Dingle).  It is not easy, but it is rewarding.

I am grateful for those people who have come into my life at THAT time, synchronicity. From key friendships, to teachers, to mentors…..all have added to my jigsaw. Whether it will ever complete, I doubt it, as I am a firm believer in lifelong learning.  

If you feel like your way is confused, that you cannot see where to go next, that your mind is full but not productive; I can help you navigate towards your mountain. I will help you climb it and see the view from the top.

Re-energise, Re-view and Re-boot.

“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” Stephen Hawking

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY