Month: February 2016

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Social Media – Happy Talk?

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With the increase in popularity of social media for those of a certain age, having an online presence is paramount. Whether it is new business, established bastions of the high street or just plain old Gordon Bennett ( one for the oldies!), being active on Facebook, Twitter et al is a given. But does this access to the world and its wife mean that we are seeking some kind of instant gratification? Is our inherent need to be liked further compounded by whether someone has liked / shared  / retweeted what we post? Is it bad for our health – ultimately, is it bad for our happiness?

I would like to think I retain a measured approach to the big business of social media. I do what I should for work and peruse at leisure for pleasure – mainly anything related to football and my beloved Brighton and Hove Albion. Even I, however, cannot resist an air punch if someone of note responds or retweets something of mine. It is like an acceptance. I am suddenly part of this gang, the online family that grants closer access to the rich, famous and infamous.

I have also seen the damage that can be done via posting online. The keyboard warrior who gains joy inflicting pain upon others through the vitriol of their words can create havoc and damage in a second. Their comments wounding a stranger without thought for the person involved. Of course there are those that court this kind of interaction and thrive on the ‘banter’ that ensues.  I have witnessed those who perhaps seek something else from their online existence, a cry for help, for friendship, an escape from their external world. When life is not in balance, when your core is not happy, social media can be both supportive, but also a dangerous attempt at self-medication.

As with all relatively anonymous offerings, posting can be cathartic to those in need, but also can compound the unhappiness in their lives. Why does everyone else seem to be having such a great life, yet theirs is so bleak?  Why does Joe Bloggs have over a thousand friends, yet they have just a hundred?  It is a facade and one that does not help those who crave a need to be wanted.  Sometimes, the only thing to do is to revert back to the good old days. Be friends with people in the real world and don’t worry about things beyond your control.  

Happiness cannot be found in others, it is within you!

 

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY

 

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An Introduction to Happiness – a talk SATURDAY 19 MARCH

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Want to find your happiness?

You are invited to begin the journey…

Happiness is not a pipedream, it is a reality, one that we leave behind as children. Being an adult does not mean we have to neglect our core being. If you feel that there are changes you could make, but need a nudge in the right direction then this is for you.

Come along to a talk that will allow you to think about what you need to tweak in your life to make you happy. Listen to the science, discuss with others and begin to understand what is your ‘jack in box’.

If you can’t make this date, look out for details of the next talk in May.

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY

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Dream BIG

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5 Terrible Excuses For Why People Let Their Dreams Go – ELLIOTT MORREAU

http://tinyurl.com/jgh869a

I was sat in the hairdresser, my bi-monthly ritual to pretend I haven’t acquired grey hair yet, when I read the above article by Elliott Morreau.  Having just listened to those around me bemoaning their lives, their jobs, their relationships, it made me smile to myself. Turn the clock back about three years and that was exactly me.  A teacher for many years, a passion for learning and a  skill for imparting knowledge. I had a calling to assist those who struggled with self confidence and a belief that they could achieve, this was where I felt most successful. Yet…something had changed. It was not enough to make me happy anymore. How do you kiss goodbye to a very reasonable salary and pension to venture out into the unknown? Although many did not directly comment, I knew that colleagues probably thought I was bonkers. I had spent my whole life in control of everything. A control freak perhaps. Now, I was entering a world that was not the closeted teaching profession; this was the real world of corporate, of business. It did not go to plan! I did however have more choice than any other time in my existence. I could be who and what I wanted to be.

So….I used the skills I had, learned the tricks of the training trade and became someone who still wanted to guide and help others, but adults rather than children.

It took about a year before I was ready to realise my dream. A year of thinking that I could not do it. A year to define my WHY. But change is good surely? Pathways open up when you have the mindset to change. You may deviate from your orginal planned path, but another avenue will appear. My journey has begun. If you are still contemplating yours, read the article. The only thing stopping you is fear. Open your jack in the box and embrace a new you. What price happiness?

Dream BIG, Shine BRIGHTLY, Sparkle MORE

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Mirror, mirror

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The joys of Valentine’s Day or as for so many, a day to rue what is missing.

Are you one who is single and feel like you are part of an underclass or are you rocking the spinsterhood movement – or somewhere in between?

For those who are alone on this over-hyped day of enforced love and commitment, are you genuinely happy with your life? If the answer is that you have spent all day wrapped in the duvet, eating chocolate bemoaning the lack of love in your life, then look deeper.

Happiness and self-love are very much one and the same. Do you really need the external world around you to make you feel happy?  People are attracted by many things. To be attractive to someone else, you need to feel attractive to yourself. Having that inner core of happiness is much more that a smile on the face. It is a total approach into how you deal with the mundane, everyday life and your relationships with those around you.

Take time to think about how you portray yourself? What could the mirror, mirror on the wall show you? Would you like what you saw? If not, change takes a nano second. Decide on your pathway and make those steps out of unhappiness.  If you listened to Fred on FIrst Dates, the whole world is about love. Yes, it is, but not necessarily partner love. Love yourself first! The rest will follow.

Clarity – Confidence – Courage = CHANGE

Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY

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Happiness in a survey? Think again…

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Have you heard the news? Mid Sussex is the happiest place to be in the country – allegedly.

Yet another satisfaction survey has been undertaken to find out where in the country people are happiest. Is it surprising that a lot of cities are cast as less happy places to be?

Is this really about happiness itself or rather is it a survey which has wealth at its core?

I live in Sussex, I live in a coastal town. The town has beauty in abundance in so many ways: a fast-flowing, ever-changing river, a seaside promenade with two lovely, family-friendly beaches, a view of the South Downs. Yet, this town has also been known for deprivation, immigrant tourism and has often been used as a dumping ground by those in power for the wider area’s problem people.  We do not reach the affluent scale, unlike our coastal near-neighbours of Hove and Brighton. The mid Sussex towns and villages are often commuter-belt or retirement areas of the county. Delightful in their surroundings, safe, real hubs of togetherness for some of the smaller settlements. Is it any wonder that the scale of happiness is higher? Social housing, seasonal unemployment is very much my town, more akin to the findings of the larger cities in this survey.

What is happiness? How can it be measured in such a generic way? Surely one person’s happiness is another’s misery? Age brackets, living accommodation, salary, family circumstances and even the great British weather will all play their part in the answers to any survey.

This is not happiness. This is external happiness, it is the world around YOU having influence. We can let everything feed as an excuse as to why we aren’t happy. The word for me, has lots the true meaning. Take it back to the inner you. Forget about the outside factors. Are you happy? That answer tells a story. If no, then spend some time reconnecting with who you really are.

Learn about you: Re-view

                                Re-evaluate

                                Re-boot

I consider myself to have happiness as my central structure – never used to, far from it. Life experiences, often painful, have taught me a lot about myself and how being happy is very much a choice from within and has no influence from others. To be truly happy is to be happy inside, is solely about who you are, not what happiness is passed on via the medium of other people and material things.  

“Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.”   Ralph Harston
Dream BIG, Sparkle MORE, Shine BRIGHTLY